If you’ve never heard the term femboy, don’t feel lonely. It wasn’t even a word until the 90s, and even then, it was only found in certain areas of social media platforms – you had to know what you were looking for.
But it’s about to be all cleared up for you – femboy meaning, that is. So, in the words of Longfellow, “Listen my children, and you shall hear…” Your guide to the term femboy follows.
Defining the Term Femboy
When we think of a guy who displays traditionally feminine characteristics, we naturally think of someone who is gay. He is biologically male and is sexually attracted to another male person. And if he presents extensive feminine mannerisms, then he is a gay who wants to be on the submissive (maybe also “bottom”) side of a sexual relationship with another gay guy, perhaps a “butch.”
A femboy is a biologically male person whose gender identity remains just that. He is a young man who, probably from a young age, has exhibited effeminate behaviour and who presents extensive feminine mannerisms. To observe his feminine manner, you would likely label him gay. Not so fast.
A femboy’s gender identity is male. His sexual orientations, though, may run the full spectrum. He may be straight, gay, bisexual, polysexual, asexual, aromantic, non-binary, or even a female transsexual who has not engaged in any transition. How’s that for variety?
But among all of those orientations is one common denominator. His gender expression if feminine, for he has decided that the feminine side of his being has more positive meaning for him.
Brief History of the Term Femboy and Its Community – Very Brief
Given that the word has only been around since the 90’s, its history will be pretty short. The term first showed up on the Internet in 2018 on the social media platform 4chan – an anonymous visual message board. And on this platform, the first femboy community was begun. A boy could post selfies and could identify himself or not. 4chan became a forum for femboy discussions.
Reddit got into the act with two femboy communities, one pretty “clean” and one for sexual content. Its f/feminineboys community began in 2012 and now has about 265,000 members. Reddit also hosts a pornographic femboy site (r/FemBoys) for fem boys who are into that.
TikTok got into the act and is probably the best femboy space that allows this community to be seen in a more positive light and openly talk about their gender and sexuality. The kinship that fem boys have on TikTok has resulted in plenty of hashtags and memes celebrating their aesthetic and “look.” Such tags as “#FemboyFriday” have gone viral. And to show a sense of humor, there are memes such as “#Femboy Hooters” which celebrate their flat chests. Regardless, TikTok is safe and welcoming. Femboy is not treated as a derogatory term.
How the Femboy Aesthetic Plays Out in Real Life
The effeminate gender presentation of the femboy is most pronounced in his clothing choices, although feminine behaviour is also pronounced in his verbal and nonverbal gestures too.
- A femboy wears clothing that is traditionally feminine – pleated skirts with thigh highs (socks), dresses that are typical of young girls, crop tops that are commonly the dress of young girl teens. they are often seen as cross dressers and confused with transgender females. While trans females may be part of the femboy culture, not all of them are, of course.
- A femboy will choose a typically female hairstyle – usually long flowing locks, often bleached blonde and sometimes in pastel-colored dyes.
- Fem boys vary in their use and choice of makeup, depending on their desired appearance and often the environment. Minimal makeup, for example, may be the choice for school or work, but more extravagant makeup wearing may be used for events and occasions. Some prefer the subdued appearance all of the time. The point is this: the choices in makeup are not necessarily indicative of one’s sexuality, especially not the fem boy.
- Color choice in dress that a fem boy will be wearing will express femininity too – primarily pastel colors
- The fem boy aesthetic also includes clothing accessories (purses, jewelry, hats, etc.) that women would typically choose. But they will also reflect what your girls would choose rather than grown women.
- Femboy mannerisms will often be decidedly effeminate. They may swish rather than adopt a more assertive stance or walk. They may use effeminate hand and arm gestures. They may cross their legs as a girl does.
- A femboy may be of any sexuality. As covered above, this may include anything from fully straight all along the spectrum of orientations, including female transsexual. One thing he is not doing is channeling his masculine aesthetic side. This does not mean he is not a male – he absolutely is. And he has a masculine side. A femboy simply selects to allow his effeminate side to dominate.
The femboy aesthetic sort of flies in the face of binary societal norms. Conventional society sees gender identity and sexuality as male/female, with accompanying “appropriate” gender expression. Boys who act in a feminine manner and certainly those who are wearing feminine clothing (especially skirts and dresses) are exhibiting aberrant behavior.
What the femboy persona does is challenge those gender roles, with questioning, exploration and, yes, even defiance. This may begin at a very young age with choices of toys that are conventionally feminine. And it continues with teens, as they opt for makeup and wearing not just gender-neutral clothing, but decidedly female stuff.
While the femboy may tend to be judged and even shunned by traditional society, he will find support and acceptance on social media platforms and online forums, spending time talking to others who share his thoughts and behavior.
Fortunately, younger generations in the 21st century are much more accepting of what is now called “fluidity,” both in one’s gender identity and sexual orientation. Anyone assigned male at birth can remain physically male and push his masculine side to the back seat. And he can push the boundaries of what society thinks masculinity means to be a male by being gay, bisexual, transgender or simply by adopting female gender expression. “It’s all good,” as they say.
Every person just has many more options in our present times.
Myanmar – Talk About Pushing Boundaries
If you know anything about the country of Myanmar (formerly Burma), you know that it could not identify as a progressive country or culture in present day terms. Authoritarian would be the right word to describe it. And, at least in the minds of government officials, whether civilian or military (it has gone back and forth a lot), a boy is a boy, and a girl is a girl.
There are some pretty strict anti-LGBTQ laws on the books. In fact, any person who engages in any type of homosexual or other “deviant” sexual activity in any form faces up to 20 years in prison. Many LGBTQ Myanmarese actually live in exile, working to change things – so far, that’s not working too well. For example, the HIV/AIDS epidemic that runs rampant in the northern part of the country is ignored with an attitude of “They got what they deserve.”
A military junta took over Myanmar in 2021 – nothing new. But in the protest against this new regime, a pretty good-sized contingent of femboys showed up, fully dressed in a feminine manner and supported by allied “cross dressers” too. It didn’t make international news but should serve as a statement that the femboy is on the move around the world.
What About a Pride Femboy Flag? They’re Getting There
Right now, there is no official pride femboy flag for the community. There are several proposed variations. All of them have a series of horizontal pastel and white stripes – pink, light pink, light blue, purple, light purple, and white stripes – and each one refers to an aspect of the femboy aesthetic, including its masculinity. All of the options have only one stripe that is white – symbolizing the transgender and non-binary groups that are a part of the culture.
The array of colors in the femboy flag refers to the large diversity of guys who let their feminine side rule. One’s sexuality doesn’t matter – they’re all in this together. Now, one thing should be noted: not all femboys see themselves as part of the LGBTQ community, so a flag has no meaning to them. they simply identify as femboys and exhibit the same behavior as the entire community.
So, How are Femboys Received Right Now?
The femboy culture is a new form of fluidity – it has nothing to do with sex – it’s simply a form of self-expression. Conservatives commonly find it weird at best and fully “evil” at worst. No man should ever adopt the behaviors of a woman.
Fortunately, there are new kids in town – younger generations who see one’s gender identity, sexual orientation, or sex preferences as personal matters into which no other person has the right to interfere. And if a guy wants to present his feminine side, so be it.
Despite the current political climate, the old WASP culture will ultimately give way (let’s face it – they will die off) to a culture of tolerance and acceptance for all. The current climate is temporary.
The Future for Femboys
Femboys are young. As they age, they will be replaced by other femboys moving into that age demographic. So, they are here to stay.
But what happens to femboys as they age? We’ll obviously have a community of older men whose femininity is still a key to their identity. And so, we will have an older generation – fem men – whether straight, gay, bi, trans, nonbinary, or other – who will keep their femininity rolling along. And “It’s all good” as it should be!
- By Edward Reese (Edward Reese has worked in LGBTIQ+ NGOs since 2019, participated in trans* conferences, and created lectures on queer theory and nonbinary identities.)
